If you have ever heard me tell my story, the long version, you'll see a pattern emerging. That pattern, much to my chagrin, is God taking something from me, me getting angry and bitter, and then it turning out to be a blessing and me having to work through my bitterness. Sometimes that process takes days and sometimes it takes years but looking back it's the same cycle over and over. If I would just learn to trust God in the first instance I would save myself a lot of time and bitterness, but that's another issue entirely.
I'm currently reading through the gospel of John. I made it to the latter part of John 3 where men approached John the Baptist and said that Jesus was baptizing and that all of the people who used to follow John were now following Jesus. John's response floored me. He said "He must increase and I must decrease" that part I was familiar with and I understood that but John keeps talking. He likens what is happening to a wedding. He talks about the bride and bridegroom and their happiness on their wedding day and then he says that he, John the Baptist, is like the bridegroom's friend. The bridegroom's friend is full of joy when he hears the bridegroom's voice and when he sees the bride and groom together.
I affectionately termed this summer "the summer of eternal weddings." I had six of them. Actually I had seven but two were on the same day so I could only attend one. Now normally I'm a hoot at weddings. I love the dancing, the friends, the ceremony, I even enjoy dressing up, but it was somewhere around wedding four or five that I started to get fed up. I was sick of going to weddings with no date, I was sick of having to explain for the 80th time what I had been doing the past five years, I was sick of the constant reminders of marital bliss and how I wasn't even close to achieving it, I was sick of seeing the bride and groom look at each other lovingly..... I was getting bitter.
So when John said the friend of the bridegroom is happy in my head I replied, "unless of course you're the single friend who can't get a date and is sick of weddings." But I started to think about John the Baptist. He was a great man in his own right. He was obedient to God, even when that wasn't a fun thing. He baptized, he preached, he had followers, he was in the spotlight. And Jesus started taking those things away from him. The difference between me and John the Baptist is that when God took things from me I got bitter and when God took things from John he got joyful. And so I marveled at the different responses between me and John and wondered if there was something deeper going on. And of course there was.
The only reason a person (me) would be bitter at a wedding (a joyous occasion) is if their focus were on themselves and not the bride and groom. The only reason a person (me) would get bitter when God took something from them is if they were focussing on themselves and not God. The bitterness I felt was rooted in selfishness. And that selfishness had been stealing my joy. In my life, every time God had taken something from me, big or small, it had been an opportunity for me to give Him the glory and be joyful or desperately try to hold onto the thing He had taken and end up becoming bitter. I had made the wrong decision almost every time.
But God, in His eternal love and compassion, doesn't leave me in my sin. I will have another chance to choose joy or bitterness, to choose to focus on Him or focus on me. And hopefully this time I can make the right choice. The choice to fix my eyes on Him, the author and perfecter of my faith. After all, life is all about Him anyways.
Just something to think about. My love to you all.
I'm currently reading through the gospel of John. I made it to the latter part of John 3 where men approached John the Baptist and said that Jesus was baptizing and that all of the people who used to follow John were now following Jesus. John's response floored me. He said "He must increase and I must decrease" that part I was familiar with and I understood that but John keeps talking. He likens what is happening to a wedding. He talks about the bride and bridegroom and their happiness on their wedding day and then he says that he, John the Baptist, is like the bridegroom's friend. The bridegroom's friend is full of joy when he hears the bridegroom's voice and when he sees the bride and groom together.
I affectionately termed this summer "the summer of eternal weddings." I had six of them. Actually I had seven but two were on the same day so I could only attend one. Now normally I'm a hoot at weddings. I love the dancing, the friends, the ceremony, I even enjoy dressing up, but it was somewhere around wedding four or five that I started to get fed up. I was sick of going to weddings with no date, I was sick of having to explain for the 80th time what I had been doing the past five years, I was sick of the constant reminders of marital bliss and how I wasn't even close to achieving it, I was sick of seeing the bride and groom look at each other lovingly..... I was getting bitter.
So when John said the friend of the bridegroom is happy in my head I replied, "unless of course you're the single friend who can't get a date and is sick of weddings." But I started to think about John the Baptist. He was a great man in his own right. He was obedient to God, even when that wasn't a fun thing. He baptized, he preached, he had followers, he was in the spotlight. And Jesus started taking those things away from him. The difference between me and John the Baptist is that when God took things from me I got bitter and when God took things from John he got joyful. And so I marveled at the different responses between me and John and wondered if there was something deeper going on. And of course there was.
The only reason a person (me) would be bitter at a wedding (a joyous occasion) is if their focus were on themselves and not the bride and groom. The only reason a person (me) would get bitter when God took something from them is if they were focussing on themselves and not God. The bitterness I felt was rooted in selfishness. And that selfishness had been stealing my joy. In my life, every time God had taken something from me, big or small, it had been an opportunity for me to give Him the glory and be joyful or desperately try to hold onto the thing He had taken and end up becoming bitter. I had made the wrong decision almost every time.
But God, in His eternal love and compassion, doesn't leave me in my sin. I will have another chance to choose joy or bitterness, to choose to focus on Him or focus on me. And hopefully this time I can make the right choice. The choice to fix my eyes on Him, the author and perfecter of my faith. After all, life is all about Him anyways.
Just something to think about. My love to you all.